


Back To December

by TaejinIsMyLyfe



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Bottom Hyunjae, Breakups, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, Jealousy, M/M, Misunderstandings, Sad at First, Slight Smut, lots of fluff, top juyeon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:40:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28128531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaejinIsMyLyfe/pseuds/TaejinIsMyLyfe
Summary: Hyunjae and Juyeon's breakup told in memories and Taylor Swift lyrics....i felt like writing something sad but i didn't have it in my heart not to give them a happy ending, so spoilers! they end up together because JuJae endgame we been knew.
Relationships: Kim Younghoon/Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae, Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae & Lee Juyeon, Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae/Lee Juyeon
Comments: 6
Kudos: 93





	Back To December

**Author's Note:**

> Pls listen to the Taylor Swift's song 'Back to December' before reading https://youtu.be/QUwxKWT6m7U  
> The bold itallic sentences are lyrics from the song! Enjoy!

**_I'm so glad you made time to see me. How's life? Tell me, how's your family?_ **

Hyunjae stood there, stunned. He hadn’t expected to see his ex boyfriend of 2 years standing across him at the milk aisle in the grocery store. Hyunjae hadn’t seen Juyeon for a good 4 months, ever since he left, actually. He was still as dashing as ever, cat-like eyes across his face, focused on a carton of oat milk, sharp nose scrunched up in confusion, the corners of his lips lilted like they always were, slightly pouting. Hyunjae could feel his face reddening, his heart beating just a bit faster, his palms were starting to get sweaty.

Juyeon hadn’t noticed him, thankfully. Just seeing the man he used to love so much, the man he gave everything to, the man he lost everything to, was standing right there, and Hyunjae, like the coward he was, fully planned on walking right past him, not having the courage to walk up to him and talk to his ex. He planted his hands back on the handle of his shopping cart, walking forward, every step heavy, eyes still trained on the man. 

Well, that was a stupid move. “Fuck” Hyunjae muttered softly under his breath as he rammed into the grocery store employee in front of him, startled by why this random customer just crashed into him. “Sorry” Hyunjae nodded apologetically, a slight blush settling on his cheeks.

“Hyunjae?” Realization set into him as he recognized that voice, that sweet deep honey voice. Hyunjae sighed, preparing himself as he turned around, facing the object of his affections for so long. Juyeon was staring at him, a small smile etching itself onto his face as he met Hyunjae’s. The taller walked towards him, approaching his shopping cart, chuckling slightly at his clumsiness. 

Hyunjae raised a hand awkwardly, waving at the other man, “Oh! Hey….Juyeon…”. His eyes wandered around, not really knowing where to watch. His blush was definitely worse now, his face reddening up like Juyeon always used to make him so flustered all the time. When they were dating, that is. Hyunjae wanted to just run away, he couldn’t handle all the emotions rushing back to him now, seeing the love of his life standing right in front of him. 

“You uh….picking up some ice cream?” Juyeon gestured to the mint chocolate ice cream tub in his hands. He tilted his head, “Why didn’t you get strawberry cheesecake? That’s your favorite flavour” Juyeon questioned, waiting for the pretty boy to respond to him.

Hyunjae kinda malfunctioned at that point. His heart soared at the prospect of Juyeon remembering what ice cream flavour was his favorite, but of course he remembered, because Juyeon was the perfect most caring boyfriend, and Hyunjae was so stupid for letting him go- 

“Hello? Earth to Hyunjae?” Juyeon was now closer to him, waving his huge palms -that Hyunjae loved- in front of his face. 

Snapping out of his trance, Hyunjae looked back up at Juyeon, “Yea it is. You remembered….” Hyunjae looked down, glancing at his fingers and playing with them, he always had to have something in his hands to fidget with when he was nervous, which he was sure Juyeon picked up on. “They ran out of strawberry cheesecake” 

“Ahhh, that makes sense, I knew Hyunjae would never skip out on his favorite ice cream” Juyeon chuckled, shaking his head. “Well it was nice talking to you, I guess I’ll uh….see you around” the man was starting to turn around to leave.

Hyunjae was really surprised at how well Juyeon was taking this whole situation. Juyeon had been notorious in their friend group for being the serious one, but still, Hyunjae broke his heart, along with his own, just 4 months ago. But he was being completely calm in this situation, and Hyunjae wasn’t quite sure what to make of that. But he for sure damn knew he wanted to talk to Juyeon a little longer.

“Wait, Juyeon” Hyunjae called out to his ex boyfriend, making the taller man turn around, smiling as if he knew he was going to call him. “Would you wanna….get some coffee with me?” Hyunjae flashed him a smile, hoping that Juyeon’s answer would be yes.

“Sure” Juyeon nodded, joining his side to pick up some grocery things he still needed and checked out together. They headed to the Starbucks on the other side of the mall, the pair walking beside each other, leaving a bit of space between them, not holding hands like they always did when they were dating.

Now, the space between them felt so cold. They had some small talk on the way to Starbucks, Juyeon asking Hyunjae about college and his majors, but it was still awkward. Of course it was, Hyunjae had brutally ripped his heart to shreds, leaving Juyeon an angry and sobbing mess in his apartment, alone. 

They sat down, settling in with their drinks, Juyeon a hazelnut americano and Hyunjae a strawberry milkshake. “How’s life? How’s Eric? I haven’t seen him in a while” Hyunjae asked Juyeon about his younger brother, who had taken to Hyunjae immediately, treating him just like his own brother. Hyunjae as well spoiled Eric with love, showering him with attention to the point that Juyeon would complain about how his brother was stealing him away from him, to which Hyunjae would always laugh at.

Juyeon nodded, sipping his coffee, “Yea yea, he’s good. He just entered his senior year of High School, he thinks he’s all that now that he’s older and got a slightly better sense of style, it’s ridiculous, really…” he chuckled, telling Hyunjae more about Eric’s antics. “...He’s such a big shot now, he would be better off with one of those scoldings that you used to give him.” Juyeon mindlessly mentioned.

Hyunjae’s smile immediately dropped. Fuck. He missed Eric. He missed Eric and he missed Juyeon. He missed their little family. He faked a smile, trying to bring up the gloomy mood that had settled with Juyeon’s comment.

“Shit. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that-” Juyeon waved into the air, shaking his head. 

“No no, it’s fine...i...i miss him” Hyunjae voiced out quietly, not having the courage to tell Juyeon that he missed him as well, that he missed him so much that he still slept with that one sweatshirt that he never gave him back sometimes when times were tough. He didn’t have the courage to tell Juyeon that he would turn back time if he could, stopping himself from ruining what they had that December night. But alas, he just couldn’t. 

“Oh! I saw that you opened a flower arranging service online, my mom...uh, she showed me on facebook” Juyeon widened his eyes, curious, waiting for Hyunjae’s response, sipping once again on his hazelnut americano.

Hyunjae smiled, delighted that he had the chance to talk about his passion, “Yes! Well, you know how much I’ve always loved flowers, I had some extra time last semester and I just figured why not? You know?”. He continued talking animatedly about his small online business, telling Juyeon about all his favorite flowers and combinations.

The rest of the afternoon followed like this. The two of them conversing easily, any weird tension between them simmering and falling into a flowing conversation. It felt like time hadn’t passed between those dark 4 months, like nothing had ever happened, like they never even broke up in the first place. Hyunjae learned that Juyeon actually got a cat, he remembered him always telling him he always wanted one, a gray tabby named Kitty. Hyunjae laughed at Juyeon’s simple naming of the cat, earring him a playful glare from the other, bursting out into laughter right afterwards, spewing some excuses about his brain not working that day, blaming Eric for the shitty name instead. 

“Oh dammit, it’s getting late. I have to go, I promised Eric I would pick him up at school today” Juyeon glanced at his watch, giving Hyunjae an apologetic look. “This was a delight, I’ll see you around” 

“Oh yea sure, I also...have somewhere...to go….” Hyunjae stuttered, earring a chuckle from Juyeon, waving him off and hurrying off. Hyunjae immediately let out a sigh of relief mixed with a weird sadness. 

Hyunjae went home that night, catching the bus home and spending the whole ride staring out the window, eyes catching on the pretty lights that storefronts were starting to light up in preparation for the darkness of the night. Without even knowing it, tears started to stream down his ample cheeks, staining his porcelain skin. 

“What? Why am I crying?” Hyunjae wiped the tears off, reminiscing about that fateful December night.

**_You gave me roses and I left them there to die._ **

He remembers that night clear as day, a flashbulb memory if you will. It was Christmas, Juyeon’s favorite holiday, the other always putting up extravagant lights and rudolph dolls on the rooftops. Hyunjae was supposed to be meeting Juyeon at their favorite spot at the park by now, but he was instead sitting alone in his living room, staring blankly at the pitch black screen of the TV, a million thoughts running through his head. 

Hyunjae had been dragged to a family gathering the night before by his mother, a bunch of extended family members that he didn’t really care about attending, bombarding him with questions and snarky comments. Apparently one of them, a conservative old hag, had caught wind of his relationship with Juyeon, thinking that she had any place to insert herself in the situation. 

“I hear you’re dating another man, Hyunjae.” His blood was already starting to boil, knowing what was coming, having heard this a thousand times before. “That won’t work out for either of you. You’re just gonna bring him down by being gay. Nobody will want to work with him when they find out he’s dating a whore like you” Hyunjae was honestly appalled at the tone she was taking with him. “God hates the gays, they’re unnatural. Trust me, you would be doing both of you a favor if you just broke this off right now”

Usually remarks like this wouldn’t get to him. But a few days ago he had overheard a conversation that Juyeon was having with his father while he was over at his house. He could barely hear, his ear pressed against the wall of the office room, only hearing certain words, but he could make out what the conversation was about. 

“Not acceptable… faggot… disadvantage….the business….your inheritance…taken...” were the words that Hyunjae could make out that Juyeon’s dad was saying, his boyfriend replying with angry rebuttals.

Hyunjae knew that Juyeon’s family was much more well off than they were, his dad was a CEO and Juyeon was a chaebol heir. His dad had always been disapproving of their relationship, and he could tell he was threatening to take Juyeon’s inheritance to the company if he didn’t end this. Hyunjae, since the beginning, has been insecure about this relationship because he thought he wasn’t giving anything back. Juyeon was always the one to pay, because he was perfect and knew that sometimes Hyunjae didn’t always have enough to go out to fine dining.

His heart ached hearing the conversation. With already not giving enough in the relationship, he couldn’t handle possibly being the reason that Juyeon wouldn’t be successful in the future as a CEO. He was useless in this relationship. That paired with the rude remark from his old hag of an extended relative that was given so harshly to him broke him. 

So that’s why Hyunjae sat in the middle of his apartment living room, instead of cuddling with Juyeon on their favorite park bench. That’s why he was contemplating things he never wanted to think about before. That’s why he was now sobbing into his cream sweater, staining the off white fluff of the fabric. 

A knock rapped on the door. Hyunjae whipped his head around. He sighed, really hoping that it wasn’t Juyeon right now. But in case it was, he had to prepare himself. Prepare himself…..to break up with him. He didn’t want to, obviously, he didn’t love him any less than he did 2 years ago. But he had to. He had to for Juyeon. 

Hyunjae placed his delicate fingers on the knob of the door, the brass of the metal making him shiver, the cold weather cooling the surface. He finally gathered up the courage to put on a fake face and open the door, bracing himself for what was to come. 

Juyeon stood there, a rudolph beanie adorned on his head, a small amount of snow sprinkled on top, bundled up in his winter coat, nose red from the cold. He must’ve waited at the park for a while. “Hey baby” Juyeon immediately took notice of Hyunjae's facial expression, not his usual cheery mood. “Baby, are you okay?” He barged in, placing the bouquet of roses on the table beside the door, walking the both of them to the couch.

Hyunjae burst out into tears. He had so many thoughts running through his head. His rude relative, Juyeon’s father, the inheritance, but also….why couldn’t Juyeon just be mad at him for leaving him waiting at the park for so long? Why did Juyeon have to be so patient with him? Why was he so perfect? Hyunjae wished that he could just be angry with him, they could get in a fight, and it would make it easier for Hyunjae to break up with him. But no. Juyeon loved him too much for that. 

“Baby baby, please...tell me” Juyeon’s large hands cupped Hyunjae’s small face, wiping the tears off with his thumbs, concern lacing his beautiful eyes. 

“Let’s break up” Hyunjae voiced out with no emotion. He wiped his tears with the back of his head, staring at Juyeon head on, the other seemingly stunned at the statement. 

After a few moments of silence, Juyeon threw his head back, laughing, “what are you talking about? Very funny, Hyunnie, you almost got me for real there” Juyeon moved closer to kiss him, hand curling around his waist.

Hyunjae just moved away, “No, I’m serious Juyeon. Let’s break up” all while holding back his emotions, Hyunjae looked away from Juyeon, not being able to look at how his boyfriend’s exterior began to crack. 

“Where the fuck is this coming from Jae?” He could tell Juyeon was starting to get mad now, moving a few inches away from Hyunjae on the couch. He scoffed, taking glances between the floor and Hyunjae, not being able to believe the ridiculousness.

“I just-” Hyunjae gulped, “I don’t love you anymore” he felt a lump in his throat, looking at Juyeon, waiting on his response.

Juyeon got up at this point, fists clenched on his sides. “That’s bullshit”, he ran his hand through his hair, “that’s bullshit and you know it” Juyeon paced the room.

“No Juyeon, it's not-” Hyunjae stood up as well, watching Juyeon walk back and forth across the room.

Juyeon suddenly came towards Hyunjae, placing his hands on his shoulders, shaking him slightly, “What the fuck are you talking about, we were literally planning our futures a week ago, how could you just- how could you just drop all your love like that? It’s not possible, Jae” Juyeon had his voice raised, making tears edge on Hyunjae’s pretty doe eyes.

Hyunjae shook his head, trying to come up with anything to say to make Juyeon madder at him, so that maybe it would make it easier to break up with him if he hated Hyunjae, “I met someone else okay?”

That shut Juyeon up, silence falling in between them, the other letting go of the smaller’s shoulders, pacing the room once again. He was shaking his head in anger, Juyeon always tended to get really jealous when it came to Hyunjae. “I should’ve known” he scoffed, “all those times you told me not to worry” he looked at him now, very apparently mad at this point, “was it that guy you work with….Younghoon?”.

Hyunjae’s breath caught in his throat. Yes, he was the perfect scapegoat, Juyeon didn’t really know him, so he wouldn’t be able to go and confront him to confirm it later. This was the only way he could get Juyeon to hate him. “Yes, yes it was Younghoon. I love him now” Hyunjae clenched his fists at his sides, not being able to look at him. 

“Wow” Juyeon laughed, “wow Hyunjae...all those times I kept telling you that I was worried about him, all those times you said that he was nothing to you. You were lying to me all that time....” Juyeon couldn’t believe it, laughing lowly under his breath. 

This was good, Juyeon had to hate him now. “Please leave, I don’t wanna-” Hyunjae almost couldn’t get it out, “I don’t wanna see you anymore” he gestured at the door. 

Juyeon’s eyes widened in disbelief at how cold Hyunjae was being, scoffing, he walked towards the door, “you know what? fuck you hyunjae” it was quiet, by Hyunjae still heard it, a pang resounding in his chest. 

All that was left was the sound of the door slamming as Hyunjae fell down to his knees on the floor. He clutched himself, lithe body racking with sobs as he wailed into his own arms. “You did the right thing...you did the right thing…” Hyunjae kept repeating to himself, not wanting to later regret his brash decisions. 

Sniffling, he walked over to the table beside the door, noticing the bouquet of roses that Juyeon had brought him, he was so sweet. Hyunjae’s delicate fingers clutched the flowers, tears falling down onto the petals, staining the beautiful red hues. His tears kept falling, his wails kept coming, his body shaking, knees weak and buckling. Hyunjae walked towards the garbage can in his kitchen, forcing himself to throw the roses in the can, not wanting, or rather, not being able to look at them any longer without feeling like his heart was breaking into a million pieces. 

.

.

.

That night Juyeon went home, punched a hole in his bedroom wall, earning a confused and concerned look from Erric. But he refused to tell him anything, not wanting to break poor little Eric’s heart just yet, though he was sure he would have had a semblance of what happened between him and Hyunjae. 

**_It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you._ **

But it wasn’t all sunshines and rainbows in their relationship either. They had problems, definitely. One of which being Juyeon being easily jealous and tad bit possessive at times. And Hyunjae wasn’t exactly the most shy and reserved person either. He liked going out a lot, and he didn’t always inform Juyeon if he was going out. He was quite an independent person, and he didn’t like the side of Juyeon that wanted him all to himself all the time. 

They often got into fights because of this. Hyunjae often going out with co-workers, old childhood friends, random people he met at the hot dog stand the other day. He was a social butterfly. 

One night in particular, Hyunjae was going out with his co-workers, consisting of the general manager Sangyeon, the assistant manager Younghoon, and the two young interns, Sunwoo and Haknyeon. He hadn’t told Juyeon about him going out to the club that night like Juyeon had always reminded him to. 

So now Juyeon was sitting in his living room, trying to call Hyunjae’s number, wondering where his boyfriend was without him at 1 am. “Fuck” he cursed under his breath as another one of his calls went straight to voicemail. He threw his phone on the carpet, throwing his head back and running his fingers through his hair. 

He didn’t like to be jealous, didn’t want to feel that ugly feeling in his chest blooming whenever his precious Hyunnie got too close to another man, watching his fingers linger on someone else made his blood absolutely boil. He didn’t like making Hyunjae feel like he was being possessive of him but he just couldn’t help it when he was so fucking pretty and everyone wanted a piece of him. 

In the middle of his mind rambling, his phone suddenly blared from where it lay on the carpet floor. Juyeon immediately scrambled up from his position, dropping down to the floor to get his phone. He opened the screen, seeing “💖Baby💖” on the display, automatically unlocking the phone to answer it, putting it up to his ear.

He was suddenly blasted with club music playing in the background, the loud bass blaring in his ears. He winced slightly at the sound, which was followed shortly thereafter by Hyunjae’s familiar giggle ringing through the phone. 

“Hyunjae?” Juyeon yelled slightly into the phone, just to make sure that his boyfriend could hear him. 

It took Hyunjae a few seconds to respond, seemingly wasted, “Oh! Juyeonie~ Juyeonie~ hiiii” Hyunjae’s voice was drawling into the phone, loud and boisterous. 

“Where the fuck are you Hyunjae? Who are you with?” Juyeon’s eyebrows were furrowed, biting his lip nervously. 

“Stop yelling at me!...I’m at the club! I’m with uh….with- oh, I'm with Sangyeon, Younghoonie, and those two interns I forgot their names!” a giggle followed. 

Juyeon huffed, “i’m coming to get you, stay right there” he hung up, grabbing his keys and heading out the door, revving up his car and starting to drive. He pulled up his phone, turning on Hyunjae’s location, they had each other’s locations for emergencies, seeing that he was at the club near his workplace and heading straight there.

He cursed under his breath as he sped to the club, not wanting guys to slobber all over and take advantage of a clearly inebriated Hyunjae. He hated that Hyunjae didn’t tell him he was going to the club with other men, especially that Younghoon was there, someone that Juyeon had suspicions of, picking up on cues he might have a crush on his boyfriend. His veins were flexing on arms as he gripped the steering wheel, pulling up the club and parking brashly before slamming the door and entering the club.

The whole place was infested with drunk adults, people were making out, snorting up drugs, dancing on the tables, and some were blacked out on the couches. He scanned the room, locating where Sangyeon, Hyunjae’s boss was sitting on the bar, making a bee line to him. He slipped past the sweaty bodies, disgusted.

“Hey. Where’s Hyunjae?” Juyeon slammed his hand down on the bar counter, earning a glare from the bartender, facing Sangyeon. He noticed Younghoon behind him, giving him a short glance before returning to face the older. 

Sangyeon looked around, “he was just here, he must have gone to the bathroom or something” he was clearly drunk as well, not much of a help.

“Do you know where he is?” He glared at Younghoon dead in his eyes, the other raising his hands in defense, insinuating that he didn’t know Hyunjae’s location either. 

Juyeon ran his hands through his hair, huffing as he stormed off to the bathroom areas. Where could his boyfriend be if he wasn’t with his friends. Juyeon was actually starting to get worried now, eyes darting all around the club to catch a glimpse for a familiar caramel haired boy. He turned the corner to the hallway where the bathrooms were located, a little less noisy than it was on the dance floor, a little more secluded. He had no luck finding Hyunjae, and he was about to turn around but then he heard sounds of a struggle in the small nook at the very end of the hallway.

“Stop…..stop it…..please uh-” Juyeon’s ears peaked, feeling queasy at the sound of the familiar voice, his body immediately reacting and stomping towards the source of the sound.

There he found his boyfriend, pressed against the wall, turning his head to avoid the man in front of him. The other man was much bigger than Hyunjae, towering over his boyfriend, caging him in his arms, one thick arm running up against Hyunjae’s waist and hips, gripping at his face with the other. The brawny man was clearly trying to catch Hyunjae’s lips between his own, the other clearly resisting, but men like that didn’t really take no for an answer. Hyunjae’s pleas were drowned out by the bigger man’s grunting, running his bruised hand underneath the pretty boy’s flowy shirt. 

Juyeon’s blood boiled as he automatically stepped between the two bodies, pushing the bigger one off Hyunjae, the man confused at the impact. “Get the fuck away from my boyfriend” Juyeon moved foward, throwing a harsh punch at the man’s face, the man stumbling back, catching himself on the wall behind him. He threw more punches at his face, his nose bleeding more with every impact. Juyeon had even lost point of how many throws he had dealt if he didn’t feel hands clutching at him from behind.

“Juyeon! Juyeon, stop! Stop it right now” Hyunjae was trying his best to pull him away from pummeling the man. Juyeon sighed as he dropped his grip on the pervert, letting the muscular body, now unconscious, drop down onto the floor, staring at it, livid. 

“Let’s go” Juyeon grabbed Hyunjae’s wrist, not even looking back at him no matter how Hyunjae called his name, dragging him through the club until they reached the outside. He put Hyunjae in the car, getting in himself.

They didn’t talk for a few moments, Juyeon calming himself down, gripping the wheel, as Hyunjae just looked at him from the passenger seat. “I’m sorry” Hyunjae’s voice was so small, Juyeon might have missed it if he wasn’t paying attention to every small movement of his right now. Juyeon glanced at him, not answering and just starting the car engine, driving back to his apartment. 

Juyeon was still ignoring him as he slammed open the apartment door, dragging him along. At this point, Hyunjae was starting to get a little mad at the other’s unresponsiveness. He was an adult and he shouldn’t have to report back to Juyeon every time he wanted to go out and have a little fun sometimes with his friends. He was thankful that Juyeon showed up this night in particular, given his circumstances, but it was Juyeon’s intentions of dragging him home from the club before he knew anything was happening that mattered.

“Juyeon, fucking talk to me” Hyunjae raised his voice now, making the other whip around and stare at him with widened eyes.

“You have no right to be mad at me right now” Juyeon pointed a finger at him accusingly, shaking his head. 

Hyunjae scoffed, “Why do I always need to tell you if I want to go somewhere, or inform you of my location, I’m not a child, Juyeon-”

“So you wanted me to let you stay at that club and get taken advantage of by some random guy, huh? That’s what you want?” They were both yelling at this point, hands flailing in the air.

“Obviously not Juyeon. But that’s not the point, you came to drag me home regardless of if you found me like that! You have to give me a little freedom and not be a jealous brute all the fucking time!” Hyunjae’s voice was reaching new highs as his face heated up in frustration.

Juyeon didn’t respond this time. Instead, only heavy pants filled the room, both of them silent now. Hyunjae was confused as to why Juyeon didn’t fight back, concern growing in his chest. Suddenly, a sniffle filled the soft silence, a stray tear falling from Juyeon’s face. Hyunjae immediately fan forward, catching his boyfriend’s face in his hands.

“Juyeon, what’s wrong. God- I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that-” He kissed the tears away from his face.

The other shook his head, his arms circling around Hyunjae’s waist, “No….no, you’re right. I’m too possessive of you, I’m not...I’m not letting you live your life, I’m such a shit boyfriend”. Hyunjae lets Juyeon talk, “growing up with my parents always busy, I never got their time to myself, and I guess….guess I was scared you would leave me just like they did, so I never wanted to let you go” he confessed.

“Oh baby” Hyunjae carded his delicate fingers through Juyeon’s hair, guiding the both of them to sit down on the couch instead. He threw his legs over Juyeon’s lap, cuddling the other in his chest, letting him cry out his childhood traumas. “I’ll never leave you”

He was a fucking liar, he thought, as Hyunjae laid in bed, coming back to the present. He did leave him, he broke Juyeon’s heart. And he would take every fucking possessive time Juyeon wanted him by his side. He wanted freedom before but now all he wanted was to be next to him, running his fingers through his hair and feeling his big hands roaming his body.

But Hyunjae wasn’t a princess and this wasn’t a fairytale. It was too late now.

**_When your birthday passed and I didn't call._ **

A few weeks after they broke up, January 15th came around. It was Juyeon’s birthday. Hyunjae’s finger was hovering over the call button, Juyeon’s phone number still wasn’t deleted from his contacts, in fact, it wasn’t even removed from his favorites, his number on speed dial. His hands were shaking, eyes wavering, tears threatening to fall out.

They always used to do something special on birthdays, because Juyeon loved celebrating so much. He loved Christmas the most, and Hyunjae had ruined that for him. He smiled bitterly at the memories of them making a birthday cake together, swathes of cream usually ending up on the floor and some on each other’s faces. Their relationship was perfect and Hyunjae let his insecurities get in the way of it.

He had half a mind to just call Juyeon, beg for forgiveness, tell him he wanted him back, and just hope that he would take him back. 

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t even press the call button on Juyeon’s contact. He stared at that flimsy little button for a good 20 minutes, his heavy tears wetting the screen of his phone. He was snuggled up in that baby blue hoodie that Juyeon loved so much. He never gave it back to him, wanting to hold onto one last shred of his boyfriend.

He switched to instagram, tapping on Juyeon’s handle from his list of recent searches. He had posted something on his birthday. He opened the post, it was Juyeon and Eric, holding up a seemingly homemade cake. Eric was smiling wide, his usual cheerful self. But Juyeon, smiled a sad smile. It broke his heart seeing Juyeon this way, knowing it was because of him.

It hadn’t been so long since their breakup, and he was having to spend his birthday without his boyfriend. More hot tears streamed down his face as he brought the hoodie up to his mouth to muffle his wails and sobs. He missed him terribly. He missed him more than he had ever missed anything. The pain in his heart was one he never thought he could feel again. It felt like his heart was being crushed little by little until eventually it would be squeezed into a pulp. His breathing was uneven, barely being able to breathe in between his heavy sobs. 

He scrolled down further on Juyeon’s instagram. Juyeon had never deleted posts that Hyunjae was in, because, of course he didn’t. Hyunjae sniffled, reading the captions that accompanied photos that Juyeon had taken of him: “My pretty baby”, “I’ll love you forever”, “The love of my life”, “He’s such a cutie”, “Please don’t ever leave me”. 

Hyunjae looked back at the phone, throwing the device away on his bed when he couldn’t take it anymore. He snuggled in the hoodie, crying himself to sleep, frustrated with himself that he couldn’t even bring himself to call Juyeon on his birthday. He felt pathetic. He fell asleep like that, crying himself off to sleep, tears wetting and drying on his porcelain cheeks. 

.

.

.

“He didn’t call?” Eric looked over Juyeon’s shoulder, watching his older brother with a sad smile. He knew he was waiting on Hyunjae’s call, glancing at his phone every few minutes at his birthday party. 

Juyeon sighed, glancing at the clock, it was now reaching 11 pm. “No, he didn’t” he got up, shaking his head to Eric. “It was stupid of me to think that he would. Go to sleep Eric”, and he headed off to his room, his pillowcase was once again soaked with his hot tears. 

**_Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times. I watched you laughing from the passenger's side._ **

Summer of last year was heaven. Hyunjae and Juyeon had decided on a whim to drive to the beach in Juyeon’s car, the top was slid down, the wind blowing in their hairs. The wind was making Hyunjae’s usually straightened hair frizzy, the soft locks returning to their natural curly state. Juyeon always loved when Hyunjae would wear his hair curly, his free hand ruffling through the strands.

“Woohoo!” Hyunjae exclaimed as he threw his hands up in the wind. The sky was painted beautiful pink and orange hues, the weather was perfect, and Juyeon driving with his hair in the wind was quite possibly the most breathtaking sight Hyunjae had ever seen. His eyes twinkled as he bopped along to the rhythms of the songs there blasting on full volume as they drove up the mountains, getting a small glimpse at the sandy banks of the beach. 

Hyunjae’s voice melded with the song as he continued to waft his hands in the air, his clothes getting messed up, hair becoming matted with the strength of the wind. Juyeon occasionally took glances at his side, huge smile blossoming on his face at the sight of the love of his life so in his element and looking like the prettiest thing. His eyes were crinkled up as he laughed with his teeth showing, something that Hyunjae did only when he was really enjoying himself. 

“Oh look Juyeonie! The beach, we can see it” Hyunjae excitedly pointed over the edge of the mountain they were driving on, the beach coming into full display. Juyeon exclaimed in delight as he drove a little faster, wanting to get to the beach faster. 

They didn’t have a plan, they brought some spare clothes and a blanket, planning to just crash in the car instead of a hotel. Because that’s what they were like together. Hyunjae was reckless, he was wild. He motivated Juyeon to not be so serious and let loose a little. So they usually decide to just go on trips without any plans on what to do, because, according to Hyunjae, “I don’t need anything else as long as I’m with you”. Juyeon’s heart melts at this.

As they reached the banks of the beach, Juyeon parks on the sand, turning off the engine of his car, standing up on his seat to scream into the air. Hyunjae joined him, standing up himself and throwing his hands up, yelling excited sounds into the salty wind. 

“Lee Jaehyun is mine!” Juyeon yells to no one in particular, at the world perhaps, startling Hyunjae beside him. 

Hyunjae’s laugh cut through the air as he turns to hug Juyeon, tackling him back down onto the seats of the car, straddling him. He was settled on Juyeon’s lap, still giggling into his hair. Hyunjae pressed his forehead against his boyfriend’s staring into each other’s eyes. He swears he could see stars in Juyeon’s eyes that evening. Juyeon pressed his hands into Hyunjae’s waist, squeezing the boy in his lap gently as if he was scared that he would suddenly disappear. Like he was a delicate doll and he might break if Juyeon wasn’t careful. 

“I can’t believe Lee Jaehyun is mine” Juyeon tilted his head up to kiss Hyunjae on the nose, earning a small nose scrunch from the other, feigning disgust at his cheesiness.

“Well, you better believe it mister” Hyunjae traced the bridge of Juyeon’s nose with his finger, eyes following his own hand, landing on his eyes.

Juyeon’s hands moved to his thighs, “mister, huh?” and suddenly Hyunjae was throwing his head back, body shaking underneath Juyeon’s hands.

Hyunjae moved to sit back in his own seat, still laughing at Juyeon’s ridiculous, “why, would you like that?” He teased him, lifting one eyebrow suggestively.

Juyeon, now suddenly bashful, chuckled low under his breath, waving his arms up in defense. Hyunjae watched from the passenger seat as his boyfriend laughed. The lights emitting from the sunset over the horizon of the ocean brushing pretty orange hues all over Juyeon’s face. Juyeon was all sharp angles, cat-like eyes always feeling like they were piercing through his soul whenever the other would look at him. 

Hyunjae’s breath hitched as he watched Juyeon’s eyes sparkle in the incoming moonlight. “Let’s go swimming”, he was suddenly scrambling out of the car, struggling to take off his shirt and throw it in the sand, along with his pants. He looked back once, gesturing for Juyeon to come.

Juyeon followed quickly after, amused at how excited his boyfriend seemed to be. He as well stripped down to his boxers, trailing behind Hyunjae who already had one leg in the water. This was what he loved about Hyunjae so much. Being with Hyunjae was exhilarating, it was wild, crazy at some times, the other wanting to do absolutely everything. Although he wasn’t particularly religious, Juyeon sometimes wondered if this was Hyunjae’s first life, with the way that his eyes sparkled and twinkled at everything, fascinated by the world.

“Come on come on!” Hyunjae called out to him from the water, the waves hitting his thighs. His teeth were clenched, signaling that the water was cold, but he didn’t really care. He just wanted to feel the cool water on his skin.

Juyeon charged forward, running to catch his boyfriend, who was now actively running himself to tease him. Hyunjae’s squeals filled the salty air, water splashing onto them with every hurried step they took. Juyeon was sure this was what bliss felt like.

“You’ll never catch me” Hyunjae yelled as he ran excitedly forward. Juyeon took that as a personal challenge, sprinting faster to catch up with the lithe body in front of him. He was getting closer with his every step, Hyunjae slowing with exhaustion. 

Juyeon jumped forward, capturing Hyunjae in his arms, the other yelling and flailing his arms in defense, “Gotcha!”. They both laughed as they splashed each other with water, recklessly playing in the water like children. Hyunjae splashed ocean water at Juyeon, giggling the whole time. 

“Ow!” Juyeon suddenly exclaimed as he caught his face in his hands. Hyunjae’s face immediately dropped, worrying that he had splashed salt water in Juyeon’s eyes. 

Hyunjae ran forward, “Oh my god, are you okay-”, he held his face in his own hands, leaning down to examine his face, getting closer.

He suddenly felt Juyeon’s big hands circling around his waist, his face lifting up to catch his lips in a heated kiss. Hyunjae gasped in realization but he got caught in another kiss, Juyeon leaning in so that he dipped down a slight bit, protective hands placed on the small of his back.

Hyunjae broke the kiss, “I can’t believe you, you child-” Juyeon kissed him once again, not letting him speak. Hyunjae melted into the kiss, hands roaming on Juyeon’s unclothed body, feeling the hard muscles under his hands.

Juyeon placed his hands underneath Hyunjae’s thighs, lifting his legs up to circle comfortably around his torso. They kissed under the twinkling moonlight, the water sparkling and reflecting the shine of the night sky onto their skin. Water clung onto their bodies, impossibly close and pressed tightly against one another. The night was perfect. 

That night is still one that Hyunjae thinks about. How it felt like the stars aligned for them. How it felt like a scene from the fucking Notebook. How it felt unreal.

**_And realized I loved you in the fall._ **

Hyunjae recalls a memory even farther away. He remembers the fall of the very first year they dated. After a few months of dating, Juyeon and Hyunjae’s relationship was going perfectly, and Hyunjae had never been happier. He still felt butterflies in his stomach whenever Juyeon would glance at him, enamored with him. 

He had a big final test the next day, so he was unfortunately not able to see Juyeon, just trapped in his apartment, attentively studying. He wished that he could spend the night with his loving boyfriend, but he had to prepare for this final. He was way too nervous. Hyunjae glanced at his phone that lay abandoned on his bed. He decided to check it, giving him a few minutes break time. A message notification was on the display screen. 

**Juyeonie 😻**

How is studying going, baby?   
I wish you the best of luck for tomorrow 💞

He felt the corners of his mouth lifting immediately at the sight of the cute texts that his boyfriend had sent him. Hyunjae texted back, sighing at the sight of his stack of textbooks splayed out on the floor, papers astray. 

**💖Baby💖**

Studying sucks :(

I wish you were here with me 💞

He tossed the phone back onto the bed, returning back to the floor to continue his studying. He had half a mind to abandon his studies and just run to Juyeon’s house for some cuddles but he really needed to ace this test tomorrow. Hyunjae knew that his mom was spending every penny she had on his college, and he couldn't let her down. 

But it was 10 pm and without even really noticing, Hyunjae had dozed off, mop of messy hair splayed out onto his Chemistry textbook. He felt a warm hand pressing up against his cheek, a comforting feeling. Hyunjae snuggled his face into the hand, letting out a satisfied humming noise.

“Hyunjae~” a voice called, “baby~” Hyunjae’s nose scrunched at the sound, pouting slightly in his sleep, “wake up Hyunnie” the voice whispered in his ear.

In realization of the familiar voice and the situation, he blinked his eyes open, sitting up. Fuck. He fell asleep. He looked up to meet Juyeon who was standing above him, beaming and cooing at the sleepy boy. He had what looked to be plastic bags from the convenience store in his hands, going to set them down on the table. He must have come in with his spare key.

“Oh no~! I fell asleep, oh god-” Hyunjae rambled, opening up his textbook once again, scrambling to find the right page. 

Juyeon shook his head, walking back to him, “Jae~ You need to give yourself a break”, he tilted Hyunjae’s face to look up at him. “You’re overworking yourself baby” a small kiss was placed on his forehead. 

“I really can’t fail this test tomorrow, my mom is depending on me, and i feel like i haven’t quite-” Juyeon shushed him, putting his long fingers to Hyunjae’s lips.

“Hyunjae” Juyeon came down to sit on the floor in front of his boyfriend, “You’re gonna do fine on the test. You understand all the concepts. What do you actually not know in the material yet?” 

Hyunjae looked down, “Nothing”.

“Exactly. So rest up, because you need to be rested to test well tomorrow anyways. Now, let me spoil my baby” Juyeon got up to return to the kitchen counter, taking out items from the plastic bags and setting them down.

Hyunjae moved his head to see what Juyeon had gotten him, spotting his favorite strawberry cheesecake ice cream and gasping in delight, “How did you even know to come?” he questioned as he watched his boyfriend scoop ice cream in a bowl. 

Juyeon returned to his side, placing the bowl in his hands, “Well, when you texted me, you seemed pretty down. So I knew I had to come over and cheer the baby up” Juyeon squeezed Hyunjae’s squishy cheeks, cooing at him, earning a slap from the other.

Hyunjae scoffed at his cheesiness as Juyeon moved him to rest in between his legs, back pressed up against his chest. Laying there, protected by Juyeon’s arms felt like home to Hyunjae. He was so warm, so comforting, the familiar woody scent that his boyfriend adorned filling his senses, making him snuggle further into Juyeon’s chest. 

Juyeon had his hands in Hyunjae’s natural locks of curly caramel hair, brushing through some of the tangled strands. Hyunjae continued to eat his ice cream, rambling about his stupid professors and his stupid classmates and the stupic curriculums. Juyeon just nodded along, just opting to agree with Hyunjae and reassuring him that yes, “that girl was totally being a bitch to him”. 

Through his loud ramblings and rants, Juyeon’s small voice interjected, “I love you”.

Hyunjae stopped talking, frozen where he was. He eventually turned around staring at Juyeon’s horrified face. 

“You don’t have to say it back if you’re not r-ready, I just-” Juyeon was the flustered one now.

Hyunjae shushed him with a kiss, tangling his hands in Juyeon’s inky blue hair. Juyeon responded, hands automatically flying to Hyunjae’s waist and hips, steadying him above him. “I love you too, you idiot” he giggled, kissing Juyeon once again.

That night, as Hyunjae was tucked into Juyeon’s arms, he knew that he was truly in love.

**_I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile. So good to me, so right._ **

Of all the wonderful memories that he had obtained of him and Juyeon, this one had to be one of his favorites. It was the one where they had their first night together. The night he gave everything to Juyeon and let him take him places he had never been. 

Hyunjae was nervous to say the least. He was already 20 years old and he had never had sex before. He knew that Juyeon had more experience than him, which he was perfectly okay with, but that made him want to be good enough for Juyeon. He was expecting Juyeon at around 7 pm so any minute now, his boyfriend would be arriving to…..deflower him.

He hid his face in his hands, his whole face being overtake with a soft pink blush. Gosh, this was embarrassing. Hyunjae did his research, asked around with his friends to prepare for the night, doing the preparations that Kevin had taught him to do after being informed that he was “totally a bottom”, the remark making Hyunjae squeal in embarrassment in the middle of the library.

Hyunjae heard keys jingling outside. Juyeon had arrived. His head whipped around to see Juyeon shutting the door and walking in, a bag of what Hyunjae assumed was...supplies with him. He seemed excited, giddy even as he made his way to his boyfriend, circling one arm around his waist and placing a light kiss on his lips.

“So...you ready? I brought Clueless with me” Juyeon waved up the DVD, seemingly trying to calm Hyunjae’s obvious nerves. Juyeon wanted to ease into this with Hyunjae, not wanting to pressure the other boy into anything, but Hyunjae had assured him this was a step that he wanted to take with him and him only. Juyeon wasn’t gonna lie. The idea of him being Hyunjae’s first (and hopefully last) time having sex made him feel special. He couldn’t stand the thought of another man’s hands on his precious Hyunjae and he was determined to be the only man that would get to experience the beauty of his boyfriend in his full glory. 

Juyeon put on the movie, closing the lights and tucking the both of them under the blanket on Hyunjae’s bed, cuddled close to each other. They both laughed at Cher’s antics, Hyunjae gushing about her iconic outfits, mentioning that he may want to experiment with skirts in the future, making Juyeon a little pre-excited. The night progressed with wholesome moments for the better part of the movie.

Until Hyunjae started playing footsie with him under the blanket. Juyeon raised his eyebrow in amusement as he did the same, entangling their legs together. Hyunjae raised his thigh up, lodging it in between Juyeon’s legs, slightly pressing against his growing bulge, making Juyeon groan slightly. 

“So that’s how you wanna play?” Juyeon asked after he had regained his composure. Hyunjae giggled at him, teasingly biting his bottom lip. He reached around to place his hands on the small of Hyunjae’s back, slowly trailing down to rest on his butt. Hyunjae gasped as Juyeon’s big hands groped at his ass, squeezing it teasingly.

“Are you ready baby?” Juyeon whispered into his ear, Hyunjae nodded, “Are you sure? Use your words baby” Hyunjae’s heart swelled at how much of a gentleman Juyeon was being to him. He was so good to him. 

Hyunjae nodded once again, “Yes, I’m sure. Please. Take me, Juyeon~” he arched his body into Juyeon’s, kissing him passionately. They kissed like that for a while, clutching onto each other’s bodies until Juyeon bit Hyunjae’s bottom lip, signalling for him to open his mouth, sucking his tongue in a heated kiss. The smaller was making the most delicious sounds, whining and moaning quietly into the other’s mouth, driving Juyeon crazy.

“Come here baby” Juyeon pulled Hyunjae into his lap, lips never leaving the other’s, “let me get you prepared. Can I….?” Juyeon hooked his fingers on the loose shorts that Hyunjae had on, asking permission to take them off. With Hyunjae’s nod, he pulled them off the petite body, the sight underneath bewildering him. 

“Oh yea, i forgot to tell you I’m not wearing any underwear” Hyunjae teased. It’s not like Juyeon had never seen Hyunjae naked before. They had changed in front of each other, showered together even, but never before with the intention of actually having sex. 

Juyeon’s face was red as he reached around Hyunjae to press a finger experimentally at the rim of the hole, earning a gasp from the boy above him. After confirmation from Hyunjae, he pushed one finger inside the virgin hole, the smaller immediately falling weak into his chest, holding onto him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you baby” Juyeon cursed at Hyunjae’s tightness, working his finger inside the warm heat of Hyunjae’s hole. His boyfriend was tucked in his neck as he pressed another finger alongside his first one, pressing kisses to Hyunjae’s head. “Am I hurting you?” 

Hyunjae shook his head, a soft “please keep going” making him slowly fuck his fingers in the hole once again. As a third finger started inserting his hole, Hyunjae lifted his head to kiss Juyeon, the air suddenly extremely hot as their bodies pressed together. “Off” Hyunjae whispered against his lips as he hooked his delicate fingers on Juyeon’s shirt, pulling it off his body. 

Juyeon continued to fit a fourth finger in the hole, fucking into it slowly as Hyunjae distracted himself with touching his boyfriend’s muscles, kissing down his collarbones. He was now letting out soft whines and moans with every slow thrust that Juyeon delivered. Soft pleas fell out of his rosy lips. “Juyeonie~ Want it now~”

“Okay baby, turn around. This position will be too hard for your first time”. Juyeon flipped Hyunjae so that he was laid on his back now, looking up at Juyeon above him. Pure love was what filled his eyes as he met Juyeon’s. He trusted him enough to take his first time, he had been waiting for the right time and it finally felt like he had found him.

Juyeon pulled off his own pants and underwear, revealing his own cock. It was long and girthy, and hard already with all the teasing Hyunjae was doing. It slapped against his stomach, making Hyunjae gasp at the sight. Juyeon looked away, he was quite proud of his dick, don’t get him wrong, but seeing Hyunjae with practically twinkling eyes as he looked at his cock made him shy. 

“Please Juyeonie, want you now” Hyunjae pleaded, running his fingers along his abs in wait for the main event. 

“So needy baby….” Juyeon teased as he got the lube and condoms from that little bag he brought with him. Hyunjae watched as Juyeon slid the condom onto his dick, following it up with lubing his cock up so it would be less painful for Hyunjae. 

“Please be gentle with me” Hyunjae looked up in anticipation as Juyeon lined his cock up with Hyunjae’s awaiting pink hole, pressing against the entrance. 

Juyeon’s breath hitched as he looked down at how beautiful his boyfriend was, all open and vulnerable for him, the prettiest doll waiting for Juyeon to ruin him. “I’m the luckiest man alive” Juyeon leaned down to kiss him as he slowly, inch by inch, inserted himself into Hyunjae’s hole, catching all of the other’s gasps and moans in his mouth.

He furrowed his eyebrows, adjusting to the tightness, making sure to pull away occasionally to make sure he wasn’t hurting Hyunjae. “Are you okay baby? How does it feel?” Juyeon asked as he tucked the other’s hair behind his ears.

“It feels...weird” Hyunjae laughed, earning a scoff from Juyeon. He knew how to make any situation lighter, it was a special talent of his, to just fit into any conversation, making friends as he went, something Juyeon himself often had trouble with. 

“It gets better, I promise” Juyeon got closer, whispering huskily, “I’ll have you forgetting your own name by the end of the night”. Well, that shut Hyunjae’s big mouth up.

Juyeon pushed in further, Hyunjae feeling like the air was getting knocked out of him with every inch. He finally bottomed out, giving an experimental thrust in, “Can I?”, Hyunjae nodded desperately, holding onto Juyeon’s forearms. Juyeon nodded, pulling his cock out to the rim and thrusting back in. 

“Ah~ Juyeon~” Hyunjae bit his lips, eyes rolling back into his head, toes curling, “oh my god Juyeon, do that again”

Juyeon laughed, shaking his head as he thrusted in once again, earning the prettiest sounds falling out of Hyunjae’s soft lips, Juyeon drinking them in, finding them intoxicating. “You sound so lovely baby” he kissed Hyunjae’s lips, biting at them occasionally as he whispers sweet nothings in his ear: “my pretty baby” “you’re doing so well” “so tight for me”.

Hyunjae felt like he was on cloud nine as he basked in the compliments, feeling like he was glowing as pleasure overtook his body. Suddenly the slow thrusts that Juyeon were giving him no longer felt foreign and instead felt like the most immense pleasure he had ever felt. “More please, more” Hyunjae looked at him, “harder please”

Juyeon was more than eager to please his baby, the slow pace making his temptations go crazy. Watching Hyunjae’s expressions, Juyeon started pounding faster and harder into the smaller boy underneath him. He watched as Hyunjae’s mouth fell open, shutting his eyes as he curled his delicate hands into fists, clutching the bed sheets underneath him. 

With every thrust, Hyunjae could feel the overwhelming love between them, he could see it in Juyeon’s eyes when he took pictures of him with his camera, he could see it in his eyes when Hyunjae would randomly place kisses on his cheek in front of all their friends. And he was every bit in love with Juyeon. The intimate moment between them felt perfect. He was so glad he waited for his prince to come around before giving his body out. Hyunjae was so happy Juyeon was the first he ever had. 

Suddenly, with every thrust that was given to him, Hyunjae felt a more intense pleasure, his own cock bobbing up and down his stomach, pre-cum collecting on the tip. Juyeon, noticing this, wraps his hand around his cock, kissing the tip and pumping the length.

“Juyeon!....Juyeon, i’m close, please ah~” Hyunjae exclaimed, pulling Juyeon’s face up to kiss him, placing their foreheads together, not really minding that their sweaty bodies were sticking together. “I’m so close, please~” Juyeon responded, fucking faster into the tight heat.

“I’m close too baby, let’s cum together” Juyeon got back up, placing his hands firmly on Hyunjae’s hips to fuck into more properly. His strong hands gripped onto Hyunjae’s supple skin would surely leave bruises the next day but he didn’t care right now, just wanting to reach their climaxes together. 

Hyunjae nodded feverishly, “I’m gonna cum~ ah~” Hyunjae held onto Juyeon’s shoulders, looking at his boyfriend, who looked like he was close as well. 

Juyeon leaned forward, “go ahead baby, cum for me” and that was all it took for Hyunjae to release. He latched his legs firmly around Juyeon’s back, clasping his mouth over his shoulder, muffling his moans, tears streaming down his face. Juyeon held him as he came, dirtying both of their stomachs, the other’s hands patting his soft hair. 

“Uh fuck, I’m cumming too baby” Juyeon exclaimed, hugging Hyunjae tighter as he came into the condom, panting heavily into his ear. 

“Wow” Hyunjae exclaimed, “that was amazing”   
  
Both of them panted heavily as they came down from their high, Juyeon disentangling himself from his boyfriend’s body, pulling out and throwing away the cum-filled condom. Juyeon got up to grab a towel from Hyunjae’s bathroom, returning to his boyfriend, who was still currently basking in his post-sex glow on the bed.

Hyunjae’s thighs were still shaking as Juyeon wiped himself and Hyunjae clean, placing kisses on the soft skin of his thighs, chest, and collarbones as he did so. 

Without bothering to put on clothes, Juyeon just pulled Hyunjae into his chest, throwing his leg over his waist, burying his face in the fluffy strands of hair. “I love you so much baby”

**_And how you held me in your arms that September night. The first time you ever saw me cry._ **

The next memory that flashed through Hyunjae’s mind was a melancholy one. Something that he didn’t quite want to remember but something that really solidified Hyunjae and Juyeon’s relationship even more.

It was September, just a few months before they would break up. He remembers the night starting out so pleasant, he was over at Juyeon’s apartment. They had been playing around, Hyunjae trying to catch bits of popcorn that Juyeon was throwing from the couch. 

  
_ Ring! Ring! Ring! _

Hyunjae’s phone was ringing, stopping the catching of the popcorn to grab at his cell from the coffee table, head tilting in confusion as his mom’s contact came on the screen. He picked up the phone, moving from the floor to join Juyeon on the couch, cuddling himself in his boyfriend’s arms.

“Mom? What’s up?” Hyunjae answered the phone casually. 

The sounds of feet shuffling and people talking in the background made him uneasy, “Hyunjae….your-” his mom took a breath, “your dad, he…”

Hyunjae’s eyes widened, his shoulders tensing up underneath Juyeon’s hands, concerning the other, “Dad? What happened to him?” His mom wasn’t answering, all that came across the phone were small sobs, “Mom, answer me. What happened to dad?” 

Juyeon was really concerned now, his mind didn’t want to go to the worst place but he couldn’t help but consider the possibility. 

“Your dad, he- he had a heart attack…” his mom continued.

Hyunjae slapped a hand over his mouth, “and? How is he?” his eyes were shining with tears now, curling into Juyeon’s body.

His mom was hesitant but she eventually answered, “he didn’t make it honey, they just called his death now, it was all so sudden…” 

Hyunjae’s body let out a sob, muffled into the arm of his sweater. Juyeon picked up on the conversation, concerned eyes scanning his boyfriend, hugging him tighter and kissing the top of his head. Hyunjae’s heart broke hearing his mom sob into the phone, doing the same himself. 

He started rambling, “I’m coming home right now-” 

But his mom’s voice was stern as she replied, “No Hyunjae, you can’t. You would have to miss school, and….we can’t afford that right now, especially now” his parents lived in his hometown, far from Seoul. “Stay there, let Juyeon take care of you honey, okay? Please, for me” his mom’s voice was fragile and he hated the thought of letting his mom deal with his father’s death alone but his mom was right. They couldn’t afford that right now. “Now, I have to go to deal with some things honey, I’ll talk to you later. I love you” 

Hyunaje sobbed into the phone, “I love you too mom”. He dropped the phone on the floor as he let out all the wails that he was trying to hold back, not wanting his mom to hear him so wrecked. 

He cuddled himself further into his boyfriend’s warm, comforting body, “Juyeon, my dad-” 

Juyeon just shushed him, hugging him tighter, running his hands through his hair and kissing the top of his head, tears threatening to fall out of his own eyes, remembering how sweet the Lee’s were that one time he visited them with Hyunjae. “I know baby, I know. Just let it all out” Juyeon had never seen Hyunjae this sad before, this wrecked. He had always known him to be a cheery teddy bear, the moodmaker, the life of the party. Never the small body that he held in his own in the moment, shaking and sobbing into his chest.

Hyunjae remembers being immensely sad that night. His family might not have been as well-off but they were happy, they were always happy. He loved his dad so much and it pained him that he wasn’t able to with him in his final moments. But Hyunjae also remembered feeling safer than ever that night. Juyeon always took the best care of him, but that night especially, he was perfect. 

He said everything he needed to hear, conforming to him that his boyfriend was really wise beyond his years. Juyeon cuddled him through the night, distracting him from the sad news with funny stories of him and Eric’s childhood, complaining to him about how Eric would always break shit and blame him for it when they were toddlers. 

He wished he could stay frozen in that night forever, never wanting to let go of Juyeon.

**_But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right._ **

Laying on his bed, as Hyunjae reminisced the memories, he cursed himself. He realized after that horrid night that his insecurity was what came in between them. The fear crept in his mind after hearing the harsh words of the people around him, feeling like the world was crumbling from underneath his feet. 

If he had the chance to turn back time, he would take it, no matter the circumstances. He would go back to that cold December night and change his own mind, he would stop Juyeon from leaving his apartment that night, he would have never lied to Juyeon that he didn’t love him. 

If he could have Juyeon again, he would treat him right. Give him twice the amount of love as before, he would spoil him, and he would never let him go.

Without even realizing it himself, he started to put on his shoes, grabbing his keys as he started walking against the cold of the night. He knew where his feet were taking him, but he wasn’t prepared. He wanted Juyeon back and this time he decided that he was going to be selfish.

This time, he wouldn’t care if Juyeon’s dad took away his inheritance. He was going to be the most awful selfish person ever, but he just wanted his loving boyfriend back, to be back in his arms, to be able to kiss him again. To hold his hand in public again, to make their friends complain about their PDA, to give him his body again. He wanted his Juyeon again.

He knew that Juyeon hadn’t moved since they broke up, so he knew exactly where to go. He stuffed his hands in his pockets as he started to prepare what he was going to say, his legs shaking, scared at what Juyeon might say. What if he doesn’t even open the door for him, what if he slams the door in his face. Hyunjae wouldn’t blame him if he did. If the chain was on Juyeon’s door when he arrived, he would understand. 

But he was willing to hold onto to any shred of hope he had that he could make them work again. He would do anything it took if it meant that they could be together once again, he would go to the ends of the Earth and back if he needed to. Hyunjae would do anything for Juyeon, and he was certain Juyeon would do the same. But he wasn’t sure if that was the same anymore. 

He arrived in front of the familiar red door with the golden handle. What seemed to be Eric’s baseball laid on the lawn, Hyunjae picking it up and stuffing it into his pocket. He walked up to the door, his hand not moving for a few moments, just staring at it, before raising his hand to knock on the door, squeezing his eyes shut in hopes that Juyeon would answer it. 

**_But this is me swallowing my pride. Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night._ **

After a few minutes of waiting, the door creaked open, Hyunjae was met with a confused Juyeon staring at him, clearly perplexed at what his ex boyfriend might be doing at his doorstep at 8 pm on a Wednesday. 

“Um….Hi?” Juyeon laughed, confused.

Hyunjae sniffled, smiling, “Hi Juyeon”

The other was slightly concerned at Hyunjae’s tear soaked face, about to raise his hands to cup his face, but catching himself, seemingly reminding himself that they weren’t together anymore. 

“Do you...wanna come in?” Juyeon was too nice, inviting his ex boyfriend into his home, but Hyunjae was so glad he did, stepping in hesitantly. 

The moment he stepped foot into the house, a wave of emotions hit him, everything was exactly as they were before. Well, except that the picture of him and Juyeon at Disneyland wearing matching frog headbands were now replaced with a picture of Eric at his baseball game. Juyeon gestured to him to sit on the couch, purposefully choosing not to sit on the same one as Hyunjae.

“I, uh...found Eric’s baseball outside” Hyunjae reached forward to hand the ball to the other.

Juyeon nodded, “Ah, thank you. He really needs to pick up after himself. Don’t worry, he’s in his room”, accepting the baseball from Hyunjae, their hands brushing as they did so. It was electrifying.

“So, uh….what did you come all the way out here for?” Juyeon sipped his tea, leaning back into his couch. 

Hyunjae’s eyes shined with tears, “I wanna get back together”. A silent fell between them.

“No” Juyeon’s voice was stern, “if that’s what you wanna talk about, you can leave Jaehyun-ssi” he gestured to the door, his jaw tensing.

“Wha-” Hyunjae started to speak but the other interrupted him.

“Hyunjae, you really expect me to take you back after you cheated on me and broke my heart? Do you think I’m fucking stupid. I can’t believe you really, Hyunjae…” Juyeon scoffed. 

Hyunjae’s eyes widened, forgetting that very important part of the story, “Juyeon….I didn’t cheat on you. I was….I was lying” he looked up, it seemed like the other was still not buying his explanation. “I never cheated on you with Younghoon, I never even had an attraction to Younghoon, he really was just a co-worker. Juyeon I-” the other’s eyes were slightly hopeful, “I never stopped loving you”

Juyeon’s eyebrows were furrowed, “Why? If what you’re saying is true, and you were….lying about all of that, why would you do that?” his voice was pained, voice growing huskier. 

Hyunjae sighed, “I was...insecure...about myself. People around me kept telling me that I was dragging you down, and I-” he looked up to see Juyeon’s eyes filling with tears as well, “I heard you and your father talking, and I heard him say that he would take away your inheritance if we didn’t break up”

Juyeon stood up, running his hands through his unruly hair as he remembered the conversation he had. “Did you hear what I said to him afterward?” he was looking at Hyunjae now, a bit flustered and frustrated with his brash decisions. The other shook his head. “I told him that I didn’t care, that I would never….NEVER give you up to be some CEO, I told him you were the love of my life and if that meant leaving the family business, if it meant him hating me…..I would do it, I would stay with you no matter what, Hyunjae”

His voice was raised and Hyunjae was sure that Eric could hear them from the upstairs bedroom by now. “I- I didn’t know that” his tears were spilling heavily, his body shaking with sobs as he cursed himself for his naivety. 

Juyeon, not being able to see his precious Hyunjae cry so beautifully walked towards the small body. He knew that Hyunjae was an extremely insecure person, despite his unmatched beauty, the boy was insecure about his looks, about his lifestyle, about his relationship. He didn’t blame Hyunjae for it, and even under the impression that the other had cheated on him, he still couldn’t bring himself to delete the posts on instagram, couldn’t bring himself to throw away all the photos, keeping them in a secret drawer in his bedroom. Juyeon couldn’t bring himself to stop loving him. 

He circled his arms around Hyunjae’s shoulder, kissing the top of his forehead like he always used to do when Hyunjae was sad. He let himself cry into the fluffy strands and he comforted the sobbing body in his arms. 

They stayed like this, crying into each other’s warmths, the both of them reliving their memories once again. After a good few minutes of just crying and hugging in the middle of the living room, Juyeon finally mustered up the courage to lift Hyunjae’s small face with his finger to look up at him, like he always used to do, to catch his rosy lips into a kiss. 

Hyunjae immediately melted into the kiss and Juyeon could feel the other smiling against his lips. He held him by his waist, Hyunjae tangling his fingers in Juyeon’s now newly dyed black hair, wanting more and more of him. Juyeon pulled away to look at Hyunjae, relishing in his beauty, lips bruised with passion, smiling a relieved smile at him. Juyeon could finally sigh now, he could finally let his emotions out, feeling content in his heart.

Hyunjae looked in his eyes, stars twinkling in both of their eyes, “Can we…..can we try again?” his voice was quiet.

“Yes. Absolutely yes. A thousand times yes.” Juyeon laughed, lifting him up, Hyunjae giggling and wrapping his legs around his torso. Juyeon twirled them around as they kissed, bathing in the soft glow of the his fireplace.

They hear Eric’s footsteps coming down the stairs, but they didn’t care. They couldn’t let go of each other, hands clutching each other, lips never separating. 

“Ya’ll finally made up?” Eric asked, slightly disgusted, making the pair turn around, Hyunjae still in Juyeon’s arms, “I’m so fucking glad. I was getting tired of seeing Juyeon hyung mope around the house” Hyunjae laughed out, boisterous.

He couldn’t wait to get back to this life. This perfect life filled with the most wonderful people. He could finally be with the love of his life again, him and Juyeon could continue to baby Eric as if he was their child, Eric running away from them. 

“I love you so much” Hyunjae whispered under his breath, wanting to keep this moment just between the two of them.

Juyeon shook his head, “I love you more, I promise you”

**_I go back to December all the time._ ** __

5 years later, at Hyunjae and Juyeon’s wedding, they recalled this chaotic moment in their relationship.

Eric offered his commentary as Juyeon’s best man, telling everybody about how absolutely rough he looked during that period, moping around the house and moaning on about Hyunjae, earning him a tight smile from Juyeon.

Kevin was there was Hyunjae’s best man, telling the embarrassing story of an extremely nervous Hyunjae coming up to him to ask what he had to do before having sex for the first time, making Hyunjae almost climb over the table and strangle him.

The wedding was in December, quite fittingly. The reception was gorgeous, white snowflakes and sparkling decor adorned the walls of the room. Hyunjae and Juyeon wore matching suits, looking dapper with Hyunjae in white and Juyeon in black. 

The moment they said “I Do” to each other, Hyunjae could feel like he could breathe freely. Juyeon was his forever and his heart was content. Juyeon swooped Hyunjae in a kiss, placing a protective hand on the small of his back and dipping him down, just like he did that wonderful summer night at the beach. 

The night was perfect and at the end of the night, when they laid in their hotel room, bathing in the afterglow of their consummation, they exchanged sweet nothings to each other. 

“I love you Juyeon”

“I love you too Hyunjae”

  
  



End file.
